Oh kids these days

So I read and judge poetry for my second job. I know, it sounds great, especially for me, but it actually sucks pretty badly. It's a couple hours a day of reading mostly crappy poetry. But I have to accept two-thirds of it because that's the rule. PLUS I can only really reject things that are graphic, profane, or, to quote my boss, "concretely stupid." Concrete stupidity is not a thing. The only thing that is concretely stupid is the idea that something can be concretely stupid. Whatever.
Anyway, the things kids write about are crazy. Every single thing you can think of, I've read a poem about it. Bulimia, overalls, violence, ceiling fans, World War II, eczema (that one was a love poem including the line "you'll always be with me") and on and on. They write about the weirdest crap sometimes, which is a great break from "Red is the color of a rose," and "I need you like plants need water to grow," and different versions of The Red Wheelbarrow by William Carlos Williams. One of my favorite poems of all time was when a girl wrote about being a "Christian Gangsta, yo," complete with lines about how she's chillin' wit her boy Jesus and his disciples. It was so fantastic.
Another thing about these kids is their names. Most of the names are normal: John, Alyssa, Nicole, Jacob, Nathan, Ashley, etc. But then every once in a while you get something totally whack that makes you hate that kid's stupid parents (here I have to add a disclaimer: My name is fairly normal but it's spelled terribly. It's not my fault). A little girl named Zelly wrote about the color yellow. Lovely wrote a love poem as did Kemoore. Griffin wrote a terrible limerick that (inevitably) started with "there once was a man named Bob." I can't even remember what Xitlatic or X'Zavion wrote about, but c'mon! Those aren't names. There was also a kid named Justyn; why do people ruin perfectly good names with stupid spellings like that?? But, like I said, most people name their children normal things.
Aside from stupid names and reading the same things all the time, the job is pretty great. I get to read some of the most ridiculous things. Here are some examples:
If I were in charge of the world I'd cancel abuse, drama, cheese and drugs.
Brown is the color of the inter-racial couple's wedding
Math is fantastic subject for Asian (the whole poem read like someone straight out of China was talking to you about how he's good at math but bad at english. Hilarious)
I used to be a pig, soft and loud. But now I am a delicious pack of bacon, sizzling on the grill.
I am as beautiful as a piece of fried chicken
Those were not just ordinary fish eggs...well ok, they were.
We couldn't be Amish because we text all the time
You are the missing puzzle piece to my body (written by a girl, entitled "Anthony"...)
What is happiness?? Is it on your wedding day, blissfully reciting your vowels?
Just a few other funny things from the job: I read a whole bunch of poems from a school in New York called the Schermerhorn academy. Say that out loud. There is also a Canadian Martyrs school, you know, celebrating and remembering all those martyrs in Canada. And somewhere in Michigan there is a Vulcan Middle School. The poem I read was a love poem, so I doubt they are teaching standard Vulcan beliefs.
Finally, my most favorite poem ever in the whole world is called "High Coo":
A morning dove feeds
on a marijuana bush
singing a high coo.